Article background: The article below was written by Cheryl Musser.  The church she belongs to has gone through some major battles over the past few years.  This has resulted in some casualties. As the church administrator, she, along with the pastors and elders are presented with the facts of church life that are not very pleasant.  Here are some very honest and challenging emotions and feelings that we all go through when some one leaves a church due to hurt feelings, disagreements or perhaps a growing coolness to the things of the Lord.  Cheryl read via Facebook how a former church family had found this wonderful new church, a very painful way to discover that they had, in fact, left their former church home.

The cry of those left behind..

This morning, as I checked my Facebook newsfeed, I was struck by an overwhelming sadness.  What a sinking feeling it is to have confirmed that you have lost another family to “somewhere else”.  Over the years, we have seen it many times. People you loved, prayed for, cried with, worshipped with, attended their weddings or family funerals, rocked their babies, played volleyball with, and shared your heart with have slowly evaporated.  They show up less and less, until members that have covenanted to be church members disappear without a goodbye.  That leaves the rest of us in mourning. Was there something we could have done, some need we could have met, if you had but shared it?  Was it something we did? Why have you left us, your church family, without so much as a goodbye, no explanation?  Yes, I know that God sometimes calls us to make a church move for the growth of our family, but wouldn’t that same God want you to go to your old church family for their blessing and a release from membership? Wouldn’t He want you to say goodbye?  Oh, it’s easier this way, you say as you just slowly slip away. Easier for who? For you. What about the rest of us, left feeling hurt, betrayed, confused and abandoned?  Have we not invested enough of our hearts in your life to deserve a decent goodbye?  

We see you at Walmart, and in politeness make pleasant conversation.  Yet, inside, our heart cries out, “What have we done, why have you abandoned us?”  Leaving a church is not like leaving a social club, it is leaving your family that has loved and cared for you. It’s like serving divorce papers without a chance for reconciliation, while one party has no clue there is a problem or an unmet need.  Oh, dear Lord, how it hurts those left behind, like an unhealed wound that is poked again when we remember you are no longer sitting in your usual spot, or sharing your warm smile with us.  

In a society rampant with divorce, people are divorcing their churches and skipping off to greener pastures.  If God is really calling you to change churches, He will lead you to do it the RIGHT way, with due respect to those who have pastored you, and the people who have loved you all these years.  How it must grieve God’s heart to see His children wounding their own family members by their actions. If you have ever left a church without going through the proper goodbyes, search your heart and ask God if there is a way to make that right with those you left behind.  Please give us closure, a letter, a visit, a phone call, an explanation, an apology, or even a return? Leave your gift at the altar and make things right with your brothers and sisters.

Most days, I don’t even think about all those who have left, but today the overwhelming sense of loss came crashing down. To those of us left behind, may God bring healing to the wounds buried deep in our hearts. May He continue to enable us to love without fear of losing, and trust in His faithfulness to bring our church to fulfill its purposes in Him.  

In His love,Cheryl 3/16/2009

Some thoughts generated from the above article:

1. This happens in every church.
2. Each of us has a responsibility to walk in love, no matter what.
3. To make a decision to leave a church family must not be taken lightly.
4. There is a right way, a mature, grown up way to do it.
5. Making the decision to do it the “right” way, still doesn’t make it easy, but it does make it easier.
6. Our actions do effect those around us.
7. There is grace to do it “right”.
8. After sharing their thoughts, leaders must be careful to release those who want to be released.
9. Whether people do it right or not, we must walk in forgiveness towards them, they are still our brother or sister.
10. A church home for someone, is not necessarily the right place for everyone and that is ok.