In the September edition of Charisma magazine Ron Luce (president and founder of Teen Mania Ministries, a Christian organization reaching millions of young people) made a statement which caught my attention.  He stated “Though it may come as a surprise to some of us, our kids have gradually transferred ownership of their hearts
from us, their parents to their friends or the culture.  Kids care more about pleasing their peers than pleasing Mom and Dad.  This type of thinking begins gradually, but every little step is a sign that their hearts are being lured away.”  

The phrase “transferred ownership” really hit my spirit hard.  The article goes on to encourage parents to “woo our kids so they will want to listen to us—not to the media, their peers or ungodly influences”.  It is of course easier to implement this while our children are still young, while they think Mom and Dad are the greatest.  It is an opportune time to build a good foundation for a future relationship.  Young children watch their parent’s eyes and if they find them distracted, bored or disconnected from them, it conveys the message “I am not important, I am not valued”.  

There is a strong need for each of us to find places of acceptance and connection. Not understanding that even young children have this need can cause parents to miss out on these vital areas.  It is even more crucial to forge these connections as your children grow up.  It takes time, it takes patience and it must be done intentionally.  This is not accomplished by isolating your child from the culture, but by open communication about what is healthy and
unhealthy about our culture.  

Here are a few thoughts that I have observed from families whose children have not transferred ownership to others. 

— These parents have a strong positive Christian identity.
— These parents model their love for Christ in the home as well as their community in a consistent manner.
— These parents make it a priority to talk with their children about all kinds of issues.  When their child expresses an opinion they talk about the opinion without disrespecting the child.  Meal time is planned as a together time.
— These parents cultivate a culture of respect for the child as a person created by God with gifts and talents which need to be developed.
— These parents work hard to instill godly character in their children by example, teaching as well as by discipline.
— These parents set a culture of fun and faith into their home, but without sarcasm and hurtful teasing.
— These parents are careful to help develop relationships with their child’s friends.
— These parents pray for their children, expecting the Holy Spirit to work with the seeds they have planted in their child’s heart.
— These parents know how to choose their battles and do not make every skirmish into a major war with their children.
— These parents are quick to ask forgiveness when they make a mistake with their children.
— The culture of the home is built on love as well as respect; grace as well as boundaries.
— These parents are real people, serving a real Jesus—growing and learning in their relationship with Him and His Church.
— These parents intentionally seek to make warm, lasting memories with their children
through fun family traditions.