Dear single sisters and those that love them;

I am writing to you because I felt God wanted you to know that you are important to the Body of Christ. We appreciate you. We might not always know how to show our concern, our care or our support as best as we could, but we do need you and the value you add to our lives. Some of you are single by choice, some by circumstance, and some are single again due to death or divorce. There is also a segment of the church that is “single in Christ”, meaning that their spouse is an unbeliever and therefore when it comes to church activities they are definitely alone. With the number of singles predicted to make up nearly one-third of households by 2010, according to the U.S. Census Bureau, you need to know you are not alone.
Many of our Single Sisters desire to join the ranks of the married. Their current single state is to them a cross to bear. The struggle with loneliness, planning for the future, and how to remain pure in our sexually focused world become very real issues. I would love to give you a formula for finding Mr. Right, I am sure I would make millions! However, each woman’s story is just that, her own story. I can only encourage you to seek Him.

When I graduated from the University of Washington, still single with no beau it was difficult. I had been attending a Plymouth Brethren church full of college age singles. We so enjoyed each other. Then, poof that season of life was over, my triplet sisters, Marie and Mary were both married so I felt even more like the spinster sister. I had (in all honesty and transparency) self promoted a relationship with a fellow named Paul. God directly told me, “He is not the one for you, break it off”. I had to ask Him to help me for the fear of being unattached was quite real. How immature and selfish I was. The very next day Paul told me, “I can’t do this anymore” and I felt bad because he was the one who ended it-- not me!

My friend and I headed for Alaska. It was an excellent time for me to seek the Lord. For the first time in my life God encouraged me to pray for my husband; whoever he might be (this really was a brand new thought!). So, I prayed as God led. He began to lead me to pray, “Lord, make me whole”. “Prepare me for marriage”. My parents had a difficult marriage and after 43 years, divorced. I did not want the same result. He worked in my heart and soul so that I became content in the state I was in. Was it easy? No. Was it worth it? Yes! As I learned to turn to Him, I learned how to be alone, but not lonely. I learned to enjoy friendships with guys and gals. I learned to enjoy being with Him. The State of Singleness is not a state to be ashamed of. It is not a state to rush through. I know that sounds so trite and simplistic. I know it sounds like, “That is easy for you to say, you’ve been married for 33 years!” But, my dear sisters, it is true. Paul tells us in 1 Corinthians 7:32 I want you to be free from worry. A man who is not married is busy with the Lord’s work, trying to please the Lord.

There is wisdom found in this verse. I found that when I began to be busy with the Lord’s work and trying to please the Lord, I actually stopped worrying about “who, what or when” I would be married. My eyes were loosed from being “bound” to the frustration and fears of not being married, and began to focus on what I could do for Him in my single state that I couldn’t do if I was married.

The church has not perfected the art of helping singles. Many are definitely striving to meet the myriad of needs these wonderful fellow believers face. You may feel like a fifth wheel, overused, or overlooked, but please know that you are important to Him and to us. We need you. We need to hear from you. We need your forgiveness when we don’t do it right and we need your support as leaders attempting to meet the needs of both families as well as singles. Those of you who are single again have your own special needs and concerns. Our heart hurts for you as you learn to mourn the passing of a dream, to handle the financial and physical issues of maintaining a household alone again, and perhaps raising children alone. The Scripture tells us if there are any sick among us let him call for the elders. My advice is if there are needs that are not being met, and then take the time to call the elders and share your need in faith, trust and grace. God tells us to help bear one another’s burdens, but many times those burdens are not made known so they are not shared.

And my dear single sister, please be careful. There are obvious temptations lurking to draw you away from your First Love. Lies promoted by your adversary tempting you to take matters of your future mate “in your own hands” compromising your values and dreams simply to have companionship. Those who have succumbed to these temptations would warn you. It is not worth it. You will end up more alone in a godless marriage than you were single.

And my dear single sister who believes you have found your mate…but has put off marriage until “the right time” please be careful as well. There never is a “best time”. Do not compromise your pure status ahead of marriage. It will not promote a healthy marriage, it will only subtract from it. Seek Godly counsel concerning the timing of your marriage.

God has a plan which is wise and good. Remember, God is a good God who loves to give us His good gifts. I am not recommending you sit at home and wait for Mr. Right to ring your doorbell; by all means go out and live your life with fullness and joy. But, be careful to do it under the scriptural guidelines He has given us. We love you and appreciate your gift and place in His Body. Please share the gift of your life with us, for you are needed.