Talk to us about your experience of being or receiving the Gift of the Listening Ear.

From Burien, WA
 
While reading your Real Women article on listening, some thoughts came to me that I wanted to share.  During the last several years I have been busier with ministry and work than I have ever been since my single days.  Lately, the Lord has been impressing upon me the need to slow down, and take time to focus on and enjoy each moment, and each person that He sends into my life.  Since my children are 16, 18 and 21,  and soon to “leave the nest”, I particularly want to take time to “be there” for them right now.
   
James 1:19 says “everyone, be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to anger..”  I have found that one of the best ways for me to listen better is to be “slow to speak”, This means to  This means to discipline myself not to talk so much!  It seems natural to want to give a reply, opinion, answer, suggestion, or comment when someone is speaking to me. But as I learn to quietly listen, I am able to focus more on both the verbal and non verbal  communication of the person I am listening to, rather than on formulating what I want to say next in response.
 
My son, Carl, taught me an important lesson about listening when he was only four years old.  One day while I was busy cooking in the kitchen, he came in from playing in the backyard, and was hanging around talking to me.  After awhile, he stood on a chair at the table, and said, "Mommy, you're not listening."  I replied, "Yes, I am", and proceeded to repeat back what he had said to show him that I was listening.  His response was, "But you're not listening with your eyes!"  I got the message, stopped what I was doing, sat at the table, and gave him my undivided attention.  
 
Often our spouses, family members, and friends need us to "listen with our eyes".  They need to know that we care enough about them to give them our undivided attention. They need to feel listened to and understood more than they need an answer to their problems.  They need our compassionate or touch, more than our words of advice.  

In  marriage enrichment classes, my husband and I teach active listening skills based on the acronym "SLOWER" from James 1:19.  We  teach spouses to take turns being the speaker and the listener in conversations, so that they learn to listen so that their spouse truly feels listened to and understood.  We tell the couples to listen to each other with the same intensity and enthusiasm that they show when they are watching an instant replay of a winning touchdown.
 
S    Squarely face the speaker, knee to knee
L    Lean toward the speaker
O    Open posture (no crossed arms and legs.)
W   Watch the speaker's body     language, facial expressions, etc.
E    Eye contact ( Focus on the speaker's eyes, don't look around to see what else is happening in the room, or on            the T.V., etc.)
R    Respond (Rephrase what you heard the speaker say and the feelings you sense, ask clarifying questions, and           show respect and compassion.)
 
Through teaching these skills many times, I have learned them well. Whenever I use them, I am blessed with the joy of closer, deeper relationships in which the Lord shows His love. However, I don't always take the time to use these skills to listen attentively, compassionately, and enthusiastically with my heart to my friends, family members, and
husband.   Lord, help me to listen and love like you do.
 
Kathy Norquist
pastor's wife
The Evergreen Church
Burien, WA