• Blessed are those who hunger and thirst, for they are sticking to their diets.
• Life is an endless struggle full of frustrations and challenges, but eventually you find a hairstylist you like.
• Perhaps you know why women over fifty don't have babies: they would put them down somewhere and forget where they left them.
• One of life's mysteries is how a two-pound box of candy can make a woman gain five pounds.
• It's frustrating when you know all the answers, but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.
• If you can remain calm, you just don't have all the facts.
• I finally got my head together, and my body fell apart.
• The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing in the right place, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.
• Time may be a great healer, but it's also a lousy beautician.
• Brain cells come and brains cells go, but fat cells live forever.
• Age doesn't always bring wisdom. Sometimes age comes alone.
• Life not only begins at forty; it begins to show.
• Just when I was getting used to yesterday, along came today.
• If at first you don't succeed, see if the loser gets anything.
• You don't stop laughing because you grow old; you grow old because you stop laughing.
• I don't mind the rat race, but I could do with a little more cheese.
• I have to give up jogging for my health. My thighs kept rubbing together and setting my pantyhose on fire.
• Amazing! You just hang something in your closet for awhile and it shrinks two sizes.
• It is bad to suppress laughter; it goes back down and spreads to your hips.
• Age is important only if you're cheese or wine.
• The only time a woman wishes she were a year older is when she is expecting a baby.
• Freedom of the press means no-iron clothes.
• Inside some of us is a thin person struggling to get out, but she can usually be sedated with a few pieces of chocolate cake. Can it be a mistake that "stressed" is "desserts" spelled backwards?

From Chris, California (www.Handmaiden.com)