This issue we are hearing from a veteran Youth Pastor Wife.  Steve and Tina Murray were youth pastors at Christian Faith Center in Sea Tac, Washington under Casey Treat for over 13 years.
 
Things I wished I knew as a Youth Pastor’s Wife
As a young Youth Pastor’s wife I thought that I needed to be everywhere, do everything that everyone else was doing and having 3 young children made that difficult. I learned later that the teens would rather see me be a great mom, and wife than neglect my kids for their sakes. Young mom's need to know that their family is their highest calling and learning to do ministry as a family is the best way to do it.  We included our children in on as much as possible and then there were times I was unable to be a part due to my commitment to home.
 
Things I learned
The teenagers don't want you to be cool, they want you to love them, listen and be an adult.  I believe being relevant in your dress is very important to kids, but there is definitely a difference between dressing like a teen or a relevant adult. If they know they can come to you that is great but often they don't want to be bothered by the youth leaders, of course that depends on the personality of the teens.  Some teens I learned can be very mean to adults.  At times I admit I got my feelings hurt because I tried so hard to minister to them and they come back with incredible rudeness.  I learned to make that OK that it wasn't me but their own insecurity.

NEVER,NEVER after an all night event or any event tell a parent or anyone that you are tired, or it was tough!! All they want to hear is it went great. I also took the place as they parent’s place of contact. Every chance I got I greeted parents and gave them something positive about their teen.  They need to hear that as teen years can be tough at home as well, so hearing a word of encouragement from me gave them the hope they needed. Sundays or/and Wednesdays (Whatever days your services are on) are days that you choose to be happy.  It is not ok to come around as the leader and be mad, grumpy etc...If that is you, you may be in the wrong place. Happiness is a choice. I know that stuff can come up, even at church, and there is always grace for that, but for the most part you are called to minister, be happy!!!!!
 
Things I wished others knew about Youth Pastor’s Ministry
Well I think it can be a very thankless job at times.  Teens are in such a transition in their lives that they are very unique to work with.. Often you think of the things that youth pastor's need in parental support.  That was truly a blessing to have parental support and there are very few parents that do that. Also, youth pastor's work a lot in prayer, prep etc.. so their time in their home with their family needs to be honored.  I truly believe that we can teach people to honor family by respecting their time.  That takes a lot of discipline on our parts as pastors and youth pastor's to take time and separate it for family.  We are over 20 years in ministry and we are still learning that it's ok to turn off phones if you need time with your family.
 
Written by: Tina Murray