Lucy has a church member whose husband struggles with pornography.  How can she help her?
 
This is one of those difficult areas where secrets are kept and many times it is difficult to bring to the light.  Unfortunately, with the availability of the internet not only men but women also struggle with this sinful addiction. Many wives won’t mention it, but suffer in silence to this painful intruder into their home.  
 
If the woman has not yet confronted her husband, there are some preparations that she needs to do.
First: Decide what you want him to do.  Most likely he will have one of two reactions.  Denial and anger, or regret and sorrow—with a promise that he has “done his last deed” and will no longer participate.
 
If he denies the behavior, make sure she has learned how to open the history cache on the computer or has some other “proof”.  It will do no good to argue, but simply the pointing out of the changes in the marriages and her concerns may bring some honesty.  One of the difficult things about this addiction is the embarrassment and shame that attaches itself to both parties.
 
If her husband promises that he is finished with the behavior, have her talk to him about “what if”.  What if you should relapse? What would you do then?  Have him sign a contract stating that he would attend the treatment program of his wife/s choice is one option.  There are treatment centers, program counselors and recovery groups available in most areas.   
 
I would encourage her to add the protection of a web site “governor” that will prevent these sites from being accessed.
 
The other thing that needs to be addressed is the wife’s emotional state.  She herself needs support and counseling to overcome her feeling of failure and difficulties.  She needs a confidential ear that will understand her pain.
 
As leaders, we need to be informed of these “secrets”.  Perhaps you are a woman whose husband has fallen into this trap.  There are many books that have been written concerning these areas.  Take time to familiarize yourself with them—at least with their names so you will have some ready reference to recommend.
 
Pure Desire, Ted Roberts    When someone struggling with sexual sin or addiction comes to you, what do you do? This paperback is just what you need to help you guide them!
 
Living With Your Husband's Secret Wars, Marsha Means    Written for women whose husbands are battling any form of sexual addiction, this book offers specific steps to recovery.
 
Every Man's Battle, Stephen Arterburn, Fred Stoeker w/ Mike Yorkey    It's the battle every man knows...but few are equipped for. Leave defeat behind: this book details stories of victorious warriors — and their successful battle plan!
 
An Affair of the Mind,   Laurie Hall   An amazing testimony to the growth and restoration that comes when God opens unseeing eyes that are blinded by lust to the truth.
    
Pure Intimacy Web site:www.pureintimacy.org
 
The above information was collected from some of the web sites listed, by editor (Martha)