You Know You are a Mother When…    
by Liane Kupferberg Carter            

1. You count the sprinkles on each kid's cupcake to make sure they're equal.
2. You have time to shave only one leg at a time.
3. You hide in the bathroom to be alone.
4. Your kid throws up and you catch it.
5. Someone else's kid throws up at a party. You keep eating.
6. You consider finger paints to be a controlled substance.
7. You've mastered the art of placing large quantities of pancakes and eggs on a plate without anything touching.
8. Your child insists that you read "Once Upon a Potty" out loud in the lobby of Grand Central Station and you do it.
9. You cling to the high moral ground on toy weapons; your child chews his toast into the shape of a gun.
10. You hope ketchup is a vegetable, since it's the only one your child eats.
11. You hire a sitter because you haven't been out with your husband in ages, then spend half the night checking on the kids.