Have you ever been faced with a "challenging" situation in which you knew your emotions and attitudes could come roaring into play? How do you effectively navigate through such difficult and treacherous emotional seas?

God spoke to me very clearly as we were facing just such a situation during a highly emotionally charged event — my husband's mother's memorial service. She passed away unexpectedly August 12,2000, leaving a very unblended family of seven adult children. Two were her own biological children; five were her second husbands children. Of these five, two of whom considered her as much as their morn as Darryl and his sister. [Side note: difficulties can arise in blended families where the children "adopt" the step-parent or vice versa, but the "step-children" don't assimilate each other as siblings—makes for interesting relationships]. Also in the scenario — four of the siblings were unsaved and everyone has children or spouses, who also have their own opinions.

The passing of any parent often brings out hidden attitudes, hurts and a variance of opinions to light. This situation was no different. As these things began to surface, I found myself battling attitudes of resentment and hurts — not just for myself, but taking on the offense of hurts of Darryl and his sister, Dana. I realized that this would serve no good: neither to them nor to the glory of God. How I began to seek the Lord. How could I protect my heart from receiving seeds that would be harmful now as well as later? I cried out to Him for help. My prayer and concern for myself was how to greet such a mixture of family with a godly attitude; in such a way that would minimize any openness on my part to receive more seeds of resentment and division. I also wanted to walk in such a way that to the best of my ability I would not fuel the enemy's weaponry with "and they call themselves Christians ". I knew forgiveness was a necessary part of the package, but it seemed like it was something to be used "after the fact". I needed something else, a different "game plan".

God spoke to me very clearly, "Offensive Love". I asked Him what He meant,and He said, "As you enter the room, do not wait for others to speak to you, Greet them first." The scripture, "In your anger do not sin "Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry," “and do not give the devil a foothold,” (Ephesians :26,27) came to mind. By simply not giving time for my soulish man to "check out the responses to me" or putting my needs first (would they offer condolences? to me? Etc) I was limiting the opportunity for the enemy to do his dirty work in my imagination. Was this difficult? Yes, I must admit it was. However, approaching the service time with God's Game Plan was much easier than facing it in my own wisdom and strength. Greeting people we hadn't seen for the most part since the funeral service of Polly's husband Phil five years previous wasn't easy; but it was do-able by the implementing of God's Offensive Love Game Plan.

I began to see that this "game plan" is applicable in any difficult situation in the church world as well: from greeting new comers to helping mediate opposing opinions. After all—1 Corinthians 13:8 states love never fails or as the Amplified Bible goes on to state, never fades out or becomes obsolete or comes to an end. Long ago, when I was seeking the heart of God on a difficult matter, He taught me—when in doubt always consider "what is the most loving thing you can do in this situation?" I would pass this on to you dear sisters.

Try it, you may find it is one of your most effective tools in your Leadership Tool Bag!

Submitted by: Martha Rodman

Post Script:
By adopting this "game plan" for the memorial service, it not only helped me, but also my children and Darryl 's sister's family members. I also asked my sister Marie, who knew Darryl's mom, Polly, if she would come to the service with us (it was 2 hours away from our home). She and her family, graciously said yes. It was good to have some "outside " support, it helped us more than words can tell.