Toddlers and particularly two year olds are famous for learning to use the word “no”. Parents spend an amazing amount of their time training their children to use the word “yes” to bring them to submission, obedience and simply for their own safety. As children begin to mature we hope they will learn to use the word “no” judiciously.

However, for some the word “no” seems to be twisted. The areas where “yes” would be the most appropriate becomes a “no”, and the appropriate “no” places become “yes”. Teenagers are notorious in their struggle to get these two words in their appropriate line up. Parents worry, fret, and even yell hoping they will help them shift to a good use of these two words.

Unfortunately many women struggle with the same issue. They find themselves saying “yes” when they really want to say “no”. “Marian, can you watch the kids again while I run to the store?” This 6:00 p.m. phone call is the third one this week. Marian knows that Wendy was out earlier having coffee with a friend. Why couldn’t she pick up her groceries then? Reluctantly, Marian agrees even though her family was in the middle of eating dinner, but, after all, Wendy is a single mom and does need help. Everything within Wendy wanted to say NO, but even as she said a meek “ok” she felt like she had caved in, again. She feels angry and upset because she said yes. But she would have felt even guiltier saying no. Marian lives in the land of uncertainty and confusion, not knowing how to balance her yes’s and her no’s.

However, Marian, and those like her do not have to be trapped in this tormenting cycle. Asking the Father for help in learning how to implement the "power of no” with His grace and wisdom is the first step. The Holy Spirit will teach everyone who asks how to use the “power of No”.

The ability to rightly use the power of “no” is based upon the rightful position of Christ as Lord in each individual life. Repentance from sin and accepting His free gift of salvation causes us to be adopted into the family of God. He becomes our Savior. The next step is accepting His Lordship in our lives. This is a wonderful safe place, where His government begins to reign and rule by the prompting of the Holy Spirit. As instruction is revealed from the Word of God and obedience to those instructions take place security and trust in His leadership begins to grow. From the position of knowing His loving acceptance, He begins to gives us the boldness to stand against those things which vie for time, talents and finances. Allowing the Holy Spirit to bring revelation through His Word and through trusted leaders, life assignments begin to form. Viewing requests for our time, talents and finances through these life assignments bring discernment to choices that are given to us.

The power of “no” needs to be used as we learn to bring our carnal nature subject to God’s ways. This nature is pleasure and comfort seeking. It looks for the easy way. It does not like to face difficulties and would rather negatively magnify every assignment God would ask us to do into a negative option. Something as subtle as “stay in bed, you don’t need to pray, or study the Word or get up and exercise. You can do it tomorrow” can be a work of the flesh. This is a place where the power of “no” needs to be emphatically used. Psalm 16:11 promises, You will show me the path that leads to life. Our fleshly desires would give us the impression that they know the true path to lasting happiness, but alas they lie. They bring pleasure for a season, but many times heartaches for a lifetime. Learning to follow the path that leads to life begins with trusting that He knows that path and we can trust Him in these areas. This type of the power of “no” is usually taught to us somewhere along our Christian path. However, there is another side to the power of “no” commonly overlooked by many women.

Unfortunately, like Marian, many women learned to say “yes” as a child to be liked, to not rock the boat or because their own opinions were still developing. These women have been labeled as “pleasers”. They are in most need of learning the “power of no”. It takes courage for them to say “no” to others. However, as God’s love and acceptance becomes more real to them, it is easier to say “no” when needed.

Each of us needs to learn to use the “power of no”. We need the power of No to avoid the pitfalls of deceptions of the devil. As we submit [our] selves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from [us], James 4:7. Learning to discern the difference between our own thoughts of condemnation and his taunts takes time. Learning to give him a firm “NO”, with a clear declaration “Satan, you will not bring condemnation, torment, guilt, shame to me.” Jesus gave us a wonderful example when he declared “Satan, get behind me”. We must grow in the knowledge of our authority as a believer, and as we do we will understand more clearly our privilege and right to say “no” to the lies that would assault our soul through guilt, shame or manipulation. Our friend was diagnosed with lung cancer. He was admitted to the terminal cancer ward. We all felt like this was not God’s plan. Something rose up inside me and said “no”, this is not God’s will. The Holy Spirit made it clear what God’s will was for him. Many people joined together and said “no”, he will not be taken by this disease. After running many tests, it was proved that he is cancer free. Learning to discern God’s will in such a manner is not always simple. Another time in this past year I was besieged with very dark thoughts. I read the Word, quoted scripture, played worship cd’s, listened to teaching but the siege held. I finally asked Darryl to pray for me, and as he did, he rebuked the power of the devil and said “no” to him. I realized that I had not done that. I had forgotten to use the authority given to me, and as a result the siege continued. In this situation, I needed the unity and the power of the two of us saying “no” to have the siege broken.

As we discern God’s call and purpose in our lives, we say “no” to distractions to that call. Many people have difficulty in this area. Marian’s double-mindedness on what was the “right’ response to Wendy brought confusion and frustration. As Marian began to pray about her role in Wendy’s life God brought clarity and it was easier for her to set boundaries which led to greater blessings in both of their lives.

We continue to discover the liberty of the power of No. It brings us freedom her as we say yes to those things the Holy Spirit is calling us to do. We can approach life’s duties knowing that saying yes to Him will produce the fruitfulness we long for. As we follow Him, we are made aware that He is helping us to say no to own ways, the ways of the world and the temptations of the enemy. We will feel much stronger in our core and that strength is becoming evident to our children and the others we are called to influence. It will not always be easy. Some will misunderstand. Some will follow our example.

Learning to use the power of no is each of our own responsibility. We cannot blame others for our reluctance to say “no”. We each have been given the authority, the responsibility and we will be held accountable for our actions. We have been given the power of the Holy Spirit to both yield to Him and His ways as well as the power to say “no” to the temptations to disobey. As we learn to use yes and no we will become a greater influence in His kingdom.

Dear Sisters, the Holy Spirit longs for each of us to be established in the power of no. As we allow Him to teach us how to use the power of no in our personal life, we will grow in His grace and knowledge. Ask Him to instruct you in the use of the power of no—no to our flesh, the ways of the world and the enemy. Written by:Martha Rodman