As in all things, we need to pattern our understanding of friendship on the Word of God. In this second installment of “friendship matters” we must understand that this teaching is to help us consider our own friendship skills, not to use it to rate others friendship levels to us!

The following scriptures concerning friendship are sometimes challenging, but if we allow their truths to be planted into our hearts, we will become better friends to those around us.

Proverbs 17:17 declares A friend loves at all times. It simply means what it says, at all times. This includes times of sorrow as well as times of joy. When a friend is going through a difficult time, it is helpful to remember what we are instructed in Romans 12:15 rejoice with those that rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. It seems quite basic, but it is good advice. Do not forget to really rejoice with them as well, too many times when friends are honored, promoted or blessed we become pre-occupied with “what about me?” to really enter into the celebration. If such feelings tempt you, challenge yourself to lay aside these childish thoughts.

Proverbs 18:24 Some friends play at friendship but a true friend sticks closer than one’s nearest kin. New Revised Edition Here we are challenged to be a faithful friend, even when we are the giver not the receiver.

Proverbs 17:9 He who covers a transgression seeks love, but he who repeats a matter separates friends. NKJV Cultivating loyalty in our heart by closing our mouth is true friendship.

Proverbs 11:13 A gossip goes around telling secrets, but those who are trustworthy can keep a confidence. Learning to govern our tongue is essential in promoting healthy friendships.

Proverbs 27:6 Faithful are the wounds of a friend, but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful or as the New Living Translation states: Wounds from a sincere friend are better than many kisses from an enemy.

Some women have trouble telling their “friend” that they have lettuce in their teeth! Let us learn how to communicate truth with grace to our friends. The Holy Spirit is available to teach us all things. If this is a troublesome area for you, ask Him to teach you how to share the truth in love in a way that it can be “heard” by the hearer. We must practice also the grace to be the receiver of such truth as well.

God’s Word instructs us to be careful in the choosing of our friends.

Proverbs 22: 24-27 Make no friendship with an angry man, and with a furious man do not go, Lest you learn his ways and set a snare for your soul.

Proverbs 25:19 Confidence in an unfaithful man in time of trouble Is like a bad tooth and a foot out of joint. OUCH!

We will become like those we hang around. One question to ask yourself: How do I feel after I leave their presence? Do I feel uplifted, challenged to grow in the Lord? Do I feel hopeful and encouraged? Or do I feel like I need a spiritual bath, because of the garbage strewn about? Limit your time with garbage “strewers”. Watch out because you can become infected as well. Ask God for wisdom in dealing with such persons. 2 Timothy 3 warns us: You should know this, Timothy that in the last days there will be very difficult times. 2 For people will love only themselves and their money. They will be boastful and proud, scoffing at God, disobedient to their parents, and ungrateful. They will consider nothing sacred. 3 They will be unloving and unforgiving; they will slander others and have no self-control. They will be cruel and hate what is good. 4 They will betray their friends, be reckless, be puffed up with pride, and love pleasure rather than God. 5 They will act religious, but they will reject the power that could make them godly. Stay away from people like that!

We must believe that not all friendships are like those warned about above. We find some wonderful examples of friendship in the Bible. One of the most famous of these friendships is David and Jonathon. These two young men were brought together when David slew Goliath and was introduced to King Saul. Something about David’s person drew Jonathon to him. By the time David had finished reporting to Saul, Jonathan was deeply impressed with David—an immediate bond was forged between them. He became totally committed to David. From that point on he would be David’s number-one advocate and friend. Saul received David into his own household that day, no more to

Jonathan, out of his deep love for David, made a covenant with him. He formalized it with solemn gifts: his own royal robe and weapons—armor, sword, bow, and belt. 1Samuel 18: 1-4 The Message Bible

Was Jonathon initially attracted to the “hero of the day”? Or was it David’s bravery, commitment and faith in the God of Israel that drew Jonathon to him? We don’t know. We simply are made aware that this relationship was quickly and deeply established. The proof that is was a Godly relationship was proved time and time again. Jonathon sought to promote David. Jonathon as a Prince of Israel was a potential heir to the throne. However, he did not covet that position, in fact, he helped save David’s life so David could eventually be crowned king. True friendship love does not seek its own way. For true friendship to flourish and be strengthened it must be modeled on God’s description of love. I find it refreshing, revealing and challenging to re-study from time to time God’s perspective on what love truly is as found in 1 Corinthians 13. Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud 5 or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. 6 It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. 7 Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.

Some friends are God’s gift to us for a shared season of life. Perhaps you meet during your single years and your friendship is based around the shared events and concerns of that season. You find the love of your life and marry. Your friend remains single, and gradually moves away from the center of your relationship world. You find friends who are married, but have no children, and then you move into the time crunch of parenting and your friends shift a bit again. Because of changing interests and focus friends come and go. We must allow this to occur. Then, God brings those connections that seem to transcend time, place and season of life. Treasure them. They are friends who as Michael W. Smith declares are friends forever, especially when the Lord is the Lord of them.

Friends Lyrics by: Deborah D. Smith

Music by: Michael W. Smith

Packing up the dreams God planted
In the fertile soil of you
Can't believe the hopes He's granted
Means a chapter in your life is through
But we'll keep you close as always
It won't even seem you've gone
'Cause our hearts in big and small ways
Will keep the love that keeps us strong

Chorus:
And friends are friends forever
If the Lord's the Lord of them
And a friend will not say never
'Cause the welcome will not end
Though it's hard to let you go
In the Father's hands we know
That a lifetime's not too long to live as friends.

With the faith and love God's given
Springing from the hope we know
We will pray the joy you'll live in
Is the strength that now you show

But we'll keep you close as always
It won't even seem you've gone
'Cause our hearts in big and small ways
Will keep the love that keeps us strong